I have learnt (many, many times haha) that thoughts become feelings.
And its very useful be able to to turn the thoughts off especially when they become destructive and in turn feel bad. Easier said than done? Maybe not.
I have learnt and used many methods. For a quick fix the most effective so far, for me, has been the #Sedona method – just letting go – it is SO simple if you LET yourself do it.
(NB: This is an amazingly effective method for much deeper and bigger problems with more exploration and practice).
I really believe that a lot of our problems can be self made or at least self-perpetuated.
I was speaking to my son yesterday, who has a big audition coming up and end of year exams etc. He was saying he is so stressed about this and that and he was so tired. I have felt that so many times (quite possibly where he learnt to be stressed :() but it doesn’t help! I try to say it doesn’t help but that doesn’t work; it only works when we realise it for ourselves.
If you are stressing about something, it doesn’t make you sharper, more alert to the problem, more able to deal with it. Its the opposite. You tense up, lose some rationality, become tired and lose energy and focus, resulting in being overcome by the feeling of stress rather than the event that’s causing it!
If you fall and relax into a roll you are less likely to hurt yourself than if you fall and tense up like a stick. If its tense it will break, if floppy it with bend and be moved – does that make sense? Same in our heads.
Recognise a problem, breath through it, stay ‘in the moment’ right now this minute is just that – don’t start catastrophising about what might happen or did happen, stay here and now and focus. In most cases we have options and with a calm mind we can look at them. We may not have many – or maybe we don’t have many that we like.
Sometimes we have to let go of our preconceived ideas and wants, change the plan. Tweak it or turn it on its head but we have to be prepared to do something other than go under.
Sometimes its helpful to speak to someone else about it, or write it down, do the for list and the against list. If you are sinking fast write a list of everything wonderful about your life, recognise the good bits, any good bits however small! It will change how you feel.
If its a case of choosing what to do, where to go, which option to take ( and I’m not just talking about where to go to dinner – though it would work for that too!) write your list – as short as you can, maybe up to 6 options – and pit them against each other one by one.
If you are a miss matcher like me when you get to the last one (and so supposedly the winner) you will choose another but it will have focused you and helped the decision be made.
Depends on the problem, its not always about choice.
Sometimes I have found we think we are stressed but if we look deeper we are actually excited, nervous, anticipating or something else and if we used those words to ourselves we would take the sting out of the tail of “stressed” and so our reaction may change.
So in a nut shell;
if you have a let a thought become a feeling, as in the Sedona method 1) FEEL the feeling, let it get as big as it can then 2) ask yourself – “Could I let it go?” (answer yes to this one, even if you think you can’t) then 3) ask “Would I let it go?” – can you see the difference? You have to allow yourself because it is you who is in control. 4) Take a deep breath and answer YES breathing the feeling out. Honestly if you practice it works. I didn’t even need to practice at the beginning though various things have happened over the years when its needed real concentration and was worth persevering. Look up the Sedona method, there is a lot more too it, but this is a brief synopsis that has worked for me in moments when I have needed to address a feeling quickly and unobtrusively.
There are many methods out there for helping deal with stress, stopping the chitter chatter in your head, the self inflicted drama of what could be etc. Another post another day, I hope this one helped.